I’m excited to share the second video in our four-part series on the Elements of Desire. This video series is designed to help you have better sex and discover more about your identity as an erotic being. Developed by sex and intimacy coach Finn Deerhart, the elements are love, luxury, license and lust.
This week’s video focuses on license.
With license, there is an emphasis on power play and our ability to ask for what we want. The element of license is embodied by Calvin Banks and Chris Harder in a video with lots of spitting, slapping choking and rough play.
The video includes a workshop narration by Finn as he explains the element. In it, he mentions that unless we find the ability to exercise our desires consciously, they will boil up in instinctive and less healthy ways. A husband who wants to get fucked more often and is feeling unsexy, for example, may express that by being nagging or difficult with his partner. We all see these dynamics play out in the relationships around us, especially when people are set off by seemingly insignificant triggers. Rarely is it about the trigger itself; almost always, it’s about something much deeper.
Asking for what we want isn’t always easy. And sometimes it is easier with hookups than partners or long-term lovers; when we meet a stranger for sex, less is a stake. Rejection hurts less, and there is less risk that our desires could be used against us. And yet, finding the courage to ask for what we want in all aspects of sex – and life, in general – is a foundation for an authentic and fulfilling existence.
Video: 1920x1080, AVC (H.264), 7787kbps
File size: 819.6 MB